Do you Have a Victim Mentality or a Survivor Mentality

Likely, we’ve all heard “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” or maybe “God never gives you more than you can handle”.  I have to tell you there have been times in my life when I really doubted the truthfulness of those statements. It is true that I have survived everything life has thrown at me – and I believe those are some of the things that made me a strong woman and independent woman.

The survivor mentality and the victim mentality – these are two very different attitudes. Let’s start by defining the differences. I found these awesome explanations at

The Survivor: The smart, mentally strong individual who takes the bull by the horns. This person may not be strong physically; physicality seems to have less to do with survival than people think. It is the person who can keep his emotions in check, assess the situation, think outside the box, and take a lead in making their current state better than it was just a few minutes ago. This person’s forte is solutions.

The Victim: This person blames everyone but themselves for their situation in life, they have either had a bad upbringing, been a victim of the system, and they are always looking to “others” as a solution to their current state. This person could conceivable bench press 400lbs, but it makes no difference because their state of mind will lead to their downfall. This person’s forte is making excuses.

Here are some specific examples for the survivor and the victim – which describes you?

The Survivor Thinks –

  • Look at the things and people I have in my life
  • How can I become and do more
  • Looks at the positive things in life
  • Finds ways to make things happen
  • Acknowledges responsibility for the good and the bad in life
  • Takes guidance and constructive criticism
  • Creates goals for him/herself and works hard to reach them
  • Learns from mistakes and strives not to make the same mistakes
  • Forgives people who harm them in some way
  • Imagine a long distance runner, patiently working toward goals and the finish line

The Victim Thinks –

  • Look at all the things I don’t have, there are many more things I want
  • Waits for things to happen and wonders why others are having success instead of them
  • Wonder why can’t I have and do more?
  • Finds excuses for why they can’t do things
  • Blames others for their problems and ignores their own culpability
  • Feels and says they know everything
  • Creates obstacles for him/herself which hold them back from success and happiness
  • Fail to learn from their mistakes and makes the same mistakes over and over while thinking they should get better results
  • Holds a grudge even at times when there is no plausible reason for a grudge
  • Imagine a short distance runner who burns out quickly and fails to reach the finish line

Do me a favor and think about those comments. I want to ask some tough questions and I ask you to really think about your answers.

  • Which of these comments describe your attitude?
  • If you have a victim mentality – do you expect someone else to want a relationship with you?
  • If you have a victim mentality – what positive things do you bring to a relationship?
  • If you had help to understand how to set goals and how to reach them, would that help you?
  • If you had help to understand yourself better and to work toward a loving relationship with yourself, don’t you think it would be more likely that you could be a loving caring partner?

These things are at the heart of my goals and some of the reasons why I studied to become a love and relationship coach. I’ve had rotten things and some very tragic things happen in my life – with very little if any help to deal with them. But I was able to move past the victim mentality that is so easy to slip into and to create a positive life. I can help you do the same – feel free to contact me about more information about how love and relationship can help you at To learn more about my Love coaching goals, visit

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One Thought to “Do you Have a Victim Mentality or a Survivor Mentality”

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