Should You Participate in a Threesome with a Couple

In an earlier article, I shared pros and cons for couples who are considering participating in a threesome or moresome. Now – let’s talk about the single man or woman who is considering joining a couple for a threesome.

Everything I’ve read, says most (if not all) men fantasize about threesomes – preferably with two women. I think many women like the idea of a threesome although they may hesitate to say it.

Let’s start at the beginning – you fantasize about being in a threesome, maybe with a couple of men, a couple of women, a man and a woman or maybe more people.  Think about multiple hands, arms, legs, butts, breasts and so many other parts — where would you start? Not to ruin the fun, but before you join in, you should consider some things.

Here are some possible types of people you could join in a threesome –

  • It could be a committed couple – married or not.
  • It could be two “friends with benefits”.
  • It could be a friend of yours and a friend of theirs.
  • It could be two people you know.

Each of these scenarios has pros and cons for the single person. Why are you interested in being in a threesome?

  • A very common reason is to fulfill a fantasy
  • A common reason is because you’re curious
  • Explore and learn more about yourself and your sexuality
  • Learn new sexual skills and try new sexual activities
  • To get more attention from the same sex, the opposite sex or both
  • Experiment with bisexuality, heterosexuality or homosexuality
  • Learn new ways to please your partner
  • Discover new things that please you
  • You may want some sexual variety or just more sex
  • To be a voyeur and watch other people please each other
  • To be an exhibitionist or have people watch you
  • Liberate yourself from the usual social and religious constraints

Here are some things you need to consider before getting into a threesome –

  • Are you afraid? If so, this isn’t the time to try a threesome.
  • Do you feel anything for the people involved? Jealousy is very common in threesomes.
  • Are you participating to please someone, but not yourself? Your decision to do anything sexually should be because you want to do it.
  • What are your motivations and the other people’s motivations? If any of you have bad motivations or a hidden agenda, the threesome is likely a bad idea.
  • If you hope to make a lasting connection with a married man or woman through a threesome, you will likely be disappointed.
  • Have you already dealt with any hang-ups you have about sex or your sexuality? If not, you need to do that first.
  • Are you prepared for any complicated emotions and feelings that are likely to come up? There can be complications, so you need to be prepared.
  • Are you worried about someone “out-performing” you? You need to deal with these feelings of inadequacy before participating.
  • Are you concerned about the other people’s motivations? If so, don’t proceed until you feel their motivations are good.
  • Can you trust the other people who are participating in the threesome? For safety sakes and your peace of mind, don’t participate with people you cannot trust.

Most people will tell you threesomes can be very enjoyable, but with the wrong people or the wrong motivations, it can be a negative experience. Review the possible reasons you want to be in a threesome and make sure you’re prepared, physically, mentally, emotionally and sexually. Do everything you can beforehand, to ensure you have a hot, sexy and very satisfying threesome.

A love and relationship coach can help you prepare for new sexual activities in a relationship or can help you to prepare for a relationship. Feel free to contact me for more information at

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One thought on “Should You Participate in a Threesome with a Couple

  1. Eva

    A pleasingly rational answer. Good to hear from you.

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