Any time you want to make a major change in your relationship – you need to discuss it with your partner. These are the top 3 things to consider before you decide to swing.
Number 1 – Why are you doing it?
What is the main motivation behind wanting to have a threesome, foursome or moresome with your partner? Is it just to experience something new with them, to evolve your relationship and do something awesome together? Are you trying to fill a need that isn’t being met by your relationship? Or is this your way of being able to have your cake and eat it to; meaning you absolutely love your partner but occasionally want to play with someone else for the fun of it?
Now none of those reasons are bad and are the typical reasons why other couples enter the lifestyle. The important thing is knowing why you want to get into it and why your partner wants to get into it, and then sharing that information with each other. This conversation in itself may highlight potential issues, but once they are out in the open, you can discuss whether or not swinging will become a healthy answer for you. And if not, then you can seek some help to get your relationship in a better space to be able to.
Number 2 – What are your boundaries?
This is all about what you are comfortable with and what you’re not. This is another conversation you need to have before you hit the playground since many couples have different boundaries. The most important thing here is to really listen to each other, and to commit to playing within the boundaries of the person who has the most.
The transition from traditional to swinger can be a very vulnerable one because you are changing the rules in your relationship. So this is the time where you really need to do whatever it takes to make sure your partner still feels loved, and that they know they are always your number one.
The good news is that over time the boundaries often relax and it gets a whole lot easier and less worrying. I know in the beginning I was constantly checking in with my husband to make sure he was ok, being that he had the most boundaries and we weren’t sure how we were going to feel once we got into the situation and seeing the other with someone else. As it turned out, it was a complete turn on for both of us (like many others) but you really won’t know for sure until you’re in that situation.
Number 3 – Do your research; get educated!
Find out what you can expect in the scene or in the clubs you may want to visit. Read articles about swinging so you can be properly informed about the pro’s and con’s, and read other people’s blogs to get an idea of what you might want to try, what “stuff” came up for them and how they dealt with it. I have a small list on my site but you an Google for those; there are literally hundreds!
Find out as much as you need to know to feel comfortable with what you’re doing and who you are doing it with, then take your time to decide who the lucky someone’s are, or what clubs or events you decide to attend. There are unlimited options and a lot of fun to be had.
The more educated you are, the less mistakes you will make and if you value your relationship, and truly want this to supercharge your sex-life while creating a stronger bond between the 2 of you, then you’ll do what it takes to keep it safe and solid. This was the main reason I started writing about swinging and created the book in the first place!
Swinging absolutely has the potential to take your relationship to a whole new level of depth and connection if you have the right foundation, and having conversations like these are a great starting point. We’ve had heaps of fun, lots of passionate nights and our relationship has never been as strong and our sex life has been the envy of many other married couples…
Shall we see you on the swinging playground sometime soon?
Chantelle Austin, Author of “The Essential Guide for Adventurous Couples” and Relationship Coach for people and relationships that are outside the square. When it comes to relationships, swinging, sex and sexuality, nothing is swept under the rug! Check out www.chantelleaustin.com for more articles, her book, relationship solutions and to ask her questions using Ask Chantelle. Link to the book is http://www.chantelleaustin.com/essential-guide