Maintain or Improve Love For Yourself in Heartbreak and Crisis – Part Two

For my initial thoughts about maintaining self-love during heartbreak and a crisis, you can find the introduction in this post —

Remove myself from the negativity that is causing me grief. This is not always possible to do for extended periods of time as we may live or work with the cause of our heartache. But most of us can find a few moments each day to either be alone or with people who lift us up. After all most of us would rather be alone than with people who depress us.

Keep Busy. When I need to work through an issue I keep my hands busy with constructive mindless projects… cleaning out my closet, purging old clothes, rearranging my furniture or garage, gardening, baking, reading, working out, cleaning my truck, what ever it is that we can do that allows us to still think about the issue without losing our minds from idleness. This allows my mind to work through the issue and I am being progressive and distracted enough to allow my subconscious to work on the issue as I am aware that my subconscious will eventually bring the solution to my conscious state of thinking. I know getting off the couch or out of bed to do anything when we feel so heavy is almost impossible but you must get up and keep moving, doing something positive even if it only one little project per day!

Speak Positively. “I will be ok. I will get through this. Time will take care of me.

I am worthy, I just have to keep moving, keep busy.” Tell yourself, “what has happened to me is the door to a better life but I just cannot open that door yet because I am still refusing to believe it has happened and I still hurt, but I will get there, I will open that new door and allow a new way of life to present itself.”

Also we have to consciously and physically do things that will speed up the process of getting back to “normal.”

Eat or stop eating, which ever one you tend to do when you are suffering. I don’t eat which weakens the brain and body making me unable to function making my brain and body weak and I think the worst insecure thoughts when I don’t feed myself, plus I have no strength to get up. I make a conscious effort now to eat something, especially in the morning making sure my brain is fed and I think healthier thoughts with more energy.

Over eating not only adds fat to our body that we do not need, it feeds our brain with guilt and shame adding to the already self loathing we may be feeling, put the fork down and go for a walk!

Do not consume alcohol to mask the pain or do drugs that are not prescribed by your doctor. Alcohol is a depressant and will only magnify your sorrow and pathetic is what you become. Drugs will mask your pain for a minute but as soon as you sober up…the pain will have intensified because of the guilt associated with the alcohol and drug use and the vicious cycle of abuse begins. Soon you will find yourself so far down the depression chart you have no idea how to climb back up…but you can…put the bottle down and throw the drugs away…they are for happier times of celebration, which you will have and that glass of wine will taste so much sweeter.

Do not e-mail, pick up the phone to make calls or text to the person who has caused your heartache, especially if you have been drinking or doing drugs, you will only make yourself feel and appear pathetic and needy…pathetic and needy is a gross feeling which contributes to our low self esteem and we want to feel proud of our selves for getting past the moments of wanting to make contact. As each day goes by the prouder you will feel.

Do not to stay in bed or on the couch. Get up, shower, and get dressed. This will make you feel and look better to yourself. And there is no one but you who deserves to feel and look good for.

Avoid negativity. Stay close to people who lift you up! I know it is almost impossible to avoid all negativity but do your best to move away from it when you recognize it. Negative words, personalities and generally people who are always finding the worst about every situation and talking about our sorrow in a negative demeaning way only prolongs our agony….get away from them!

Talk. Don’t keep all the anxiety inside allowing it to build up, speak with at least one person who will listen, truly listen to you. It does not have to be a professional, not every one can afford professional therapy. Find that one person you can trust to tell your feelings to that is not the person who has contributed to your pain. This kind of release will help put your scattered mind back in some order. If you have no one to speak with there are community counsellors who will listen…find someone, do not try to do this by yourself, let someone know what is happening to you. I had two people who are not in my town but I call them as soon as I feel myself slipping back to being sad, they remind me of the good things in my life.

Sleep. We all need to sleep but no matter how tired our bodies are, when our minds won’t shut down sleep becomes elusive, making us more weak and vulnerable and susceptible to dis-ease. We repair our bodies and mind when we sleep. It is so easy to get our sleep patterns confused when we are suffering. Try to get up early and stay up until a reasonable time to go back to bed. Get physical to tire yourself out; this helps with the mind too! Get up when you wake up, even if it is in the middle of the night because staying in bed when you are awake allows your mind to depress you more. Get up and do something constructive, such as read a book, a craft or hobby that preoccupies your hands and mind until you are tired again.

The love we develop for ourselves. Soon you will find that time has passed and the pain has eased. The moment you realize you have turned a corner and are not so depressed or filled with anxiety, that is the moment we wish we could bottle to use in the future. Unfortunately we cannot bottle our level emotions and please understand that a smell, a photo, a name on a street sign post, an old sweater or movie will trigger memories but because we have done everything we can for ourselves to become strong again, we do not fall as far as we once did. We have developed a love for our life that was not there before the heartache and the feelings we once had of unworthiness and self loathing disappear. Today it amazes me how I want to be thankful for the heartache…I would never have developed this strength without going through it.

Continue to focus only on the positive aspects of your life, let the negative move through you without affecting you; it will pass, you will be strong and proud of yourself again….I promise!

For more information about Unfinished by Suzanne Gravelle, visit and you can follow her journey on her blog –


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