I definitely believe that we must love ourselves in order to have a happy, lasting and satisfying relationship. First and foremost, how can you honestly expect someone to love you – if you don’t love yourself? I’m not talking about being conceited and thinking you are better than other people — this is about loving, caring and respecting yourself.
I just read a wonderful chapter in True Love: How to Make Your Relationship Sweeter, Deeper and More Passionate by Daphne Rose Kingma and I have to share it with you….
Too many of us consider love to be the miracle by which, finally, we will become complete human beings. This is the fixer-upper notion of love, the idea that we’re not all right as we are, but if we can just get loved by somebody, then that will prove that we’re ok.
Ironically, however, in order to be well loved, you need first to love yourself. For in love, we get not necessarily what we deserve, but what we THINK we deserve. Just as Harry Homeowner who has a house that’s worth one million dollars might sell it for only $500,000 if that’s all he thinks it’s worth, so the person who underestimates his or her own value will be be shortchanged in love.
Love begets love. If you don’t think well of yourself, you can’t be positively affected by the person who is celebrating you for the specialness you don’t believe you have. If you don’t know, and love, what’s important, special, precious, and beautiful about yourself, you can be sure you will not be serenaded, sent roses, lauded, paraded or daily smothered in kisses by someone who does.
Loving yourself is knowing yourself, enjoying and valuing yourself, and understanding that self-knowledge i a lifelong personal enterprise. It means that you appreciate yourself at least as much as you value your honey, that you know he or she is lucky in love as you believe you are. It means you measure your strengths and weaknesses neither with the abuse of self deprecation not the insanity of ego mania, but with genuineness, with accuracy. Loving yourself is recognizing your gifts and talents, and putting them to good use, acknowledging your flaws, and forgiving yourself for them. Loving yourself is reaching for more, for the best, in yourself.
So often we put up with shabby treatment in love because we don’t believe we deerve better. But self love is always a model for the love you may reasonably expect, the true measure of the love you will give and get. Your heart can only hold as much love as you believe it can. So treat yourself better, believe you deserve to be treated well, and you will get treated ever more wonderfully in love.
True Love: How to Make Your Relationship Sweeter, Deeper and More Passionate by Daphne Rose Kingma – pages 30 – 31