Sexless Marriage – What Causes It

It is a fact that there are a large number of couples who are either in a “sexless marriage” or where the partners have incompatible sex drives.

Sexless Marriage – This is when a couple has little or no sexual intimacy in their relationship. This can be for a wide variety of reasons. Sometimes it is due to illness, but other times, the couple drift apart and over time sex becomes less and less frequent. I’ve spoken to people who are in a relationship and haven’t had sex for years. Others who consider themselves to be in a sexless relationship – have sex very rarely. This can be once a month or a couple times a year.

Incompatible Sex Drives – There are other couples where one partner wants sex much more frequently than their partner. Of course its tough to find a partner who has an identical sex drive – but this would be more like one partner who wants to have sex several times a week and their partner only wants sex once a month. This is only one example and there are endless combinations in this scenario. Some cases – one partner wants sex 5 or 6 times a week and their partner may only want sex 1 or 2 times a week.

Each couple has various difficulties because of these conditions and those difficulties can be impacted by the reason why there is a difference in their desire to have sex more often.

There are many reasons why couples face this problem, just a few of these are:

  • busy/tired
  • distractions
  • children
  • work
  • some medications diminish your sex drive

These are pretty common reasons for a difference in your sex life in a relationship and things that can be resolved more easily.

One situation that is harder to resolve is a serious illness. While one partner or both partners are suffering with very serious illnesses, their desire for sex can be diminished and their partner will likely understand. During pregnancy, some people see changes in their sex life, which should end after the birth of the child. However, the birth of a child will also prompt some issues that may make sex more difficult or limited for a while. There is also the women who feel less sexy once they become a mother – but that’s a topic for another day.

  • Some more serious “red flags” that need to be addressed in your relationship in order to improve your sex life.
  • decreased of non existent sex life after an illness
  • consistently putting work, children, friends etc ahead of personal time with your partner
  • you and your partner stop kissing
  • feeling detached from your partner
  • developing closer relationships with people outside your primary relationship
  • lack of passion between you and your partner
  • boredom with your sex life or one another
  • increase in anxiety that eliminates the pleasure between you and your partner
  • lack of effort between you and your partner
  • you and your partner stop taking the initiative to have intimate times together

In these cases it would be beneficial to contact a relationship to determine the underlying reasons for these problems and to set goals and develop a plan to get your relationship and intimacy back on track. While sex isn’t the only element of a relationship – I think most of us would agree that a satisfying sex life and real intimacy with your partner does lead to a happier and long lasting relationship.

For more information about love coaching – visit – and you can download a free copy of my introduction to love coaching, titled Make it Happen! Discover More Love and Passion.

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